Family-Centered Sacramental Preparation (Part II)

(This is Part II of a series exploring the relationship between the larger Church and the Church at home.)

Sacramental preparation provides an unparalleled opportunity for parents to initiate new practices in their homes. It is a time when I suggest that parents begin to pray before meals as a way to prepare for their child’s First Communion and participate in a parish reconciliation service as preparation for the child’s celebration of Penance. These are practices that they will likely continue.

The Family Table and the Eucharist
The experience of a loving meal provides a strong foundation for the reception of the Eucharist. While the catechist can teach the child about the real presence of Jesus, the fundamental experience of a meal is developed within the home. Few of us know any human experience more intimate and communitarian than a meal. We come to meals with faith in those with whom we share them. We come to the Eucharist that way, too. We come to the Eucharist to express our belief in Jesus Christ who lives in the community of the Church.

When a child looks at the Host s/he will receive and says, “Amen,” it means s/he believes Jesus is present. When we say those same words, we say more than that. As adults, we also promise to pour ourselves out day by day by day in ways we do not even know will be demanded. This realization should enhance every meal we share with friends and family.

In the midst of the mystery of Christ’s relationship with humanity, we find the mystery of this eucharistic presence. It would make more than idle conversation at the dinner table if we were to speak of what it means to share bread at that table. We bring the intimate relationship of the family to the eucharistic table. Now is the time to bring our faith in the Eucharist to the family table.

Forgiveness and Reconciliation Begins in the Family
As the family meal is to the Eucharist, forgiveness in the family is to the sacrament of penance. At the outset, it is important to know and to affirm that Christ did not establish seven sacraments—six of them positive and one negative. Why, then, do we worry and fret about the effect that the sacrament will have on our children? Why do we, even for a moment, entertain a suspicion that the sacrament might traumatize them? The human experience of forgiveness is natural and good. Contrary to the opinion of many, the sacrament of penance does not merely address sin. More profoundly, it speaks to alienation and separation.

Whenever we separate ourselves from the community, we feel ill at ease and alienated. From the time when we are little children, we know what it is to be apart from those we love. Little children, for instance, sometimes do not know why they feel alienated. They simply feel it and, like us, they address it. For the young child, the sacrament of penance is the welcoming hug and reassurance of the Father administered by the priest who stands not only in the place of Christ but in the place of the community.

Children learn about forgiveness from their parents. They learn either that “making up” is wonderful or they learn that forgiveness can be withheld and then they become frightened and unsure.

Preparing the Parents
There is no doubt that the adult Christian needs the sacrament of penance to keep in touch with the ongoing dialogue of redemption in the Church—to help bring about the kingdom. Preparation of parents gives us an opportunity to focus on the positive elements of the sacrament of penance for parents who may not have celebrated it for years. Throughout the years, I have discovered that parents are eager to return to the sacrament if only we will tell them how. Many do not know the ritual.

Preparing the Children
If the experience of forgiveness sorrow has not entered life in the home, the child will not experience it in the sacrament and what is intended to be genuine interpersonal sacramental encounter will be a mere ritual. Parents can prepare children for an appreciation of the sacrament by their own willingness to express sorrow when some occasion has separated the family. Parents need to be ever willing to forgive their children and to make forgiveness a good experience.

Parents can easily lose sight of the need to sometimes ask forgiveness themselves. They need to be willing to seek forgiveness from their children and to let them witness reconciliation between their parents. It is not guilt that drives us to the sacrament of penance but the sorrow that comes from being separated. In the sacrament, the penitent and the confessor together participate in a human experience of sorrow that is based on Scripture and communal prayer. Together, they realize the dynamic of sorrow and reconciliation that is being achieved.

Sacraments Are for the Church
The celebration of the sacraments in a parish is not only about the children. It is a chance for the entire parish to grow in understanding even as the children prepare. It is a parish event that ought to influence the homilies at Sunday Mass, the spiritual life of the family, and even the spirituality of the parish staff. In short, it ought to enliven the parish with the life of Jesus himself.

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Mary Jo Tully has been the Chancellor of the Archdiocese of Portland since 1990. Before coming to Portland, she was the Director of Religious Education in the Archdiocese of Chicago and the author of the Focus on Faith Religious Education Series. She was a catechetical consultant for Sadlier’s “We Believe” program, teaches at Mount Angel Seminary and writes a Scripture column in the Catholic Sentinel.